Monday, 30 August 2010

Forwarders of Junk Mail

The subject of today's cretinous blog post are people who forward junk emails. It drives me mad when someone sends me any of this crap, here's one I've seen that I cannot believe people fall for...

Hi, everyone
The Ericsson Company is distributing free computer lap-tops in an attempt to match Nokia that has already done so. Ericsson hopes to increase its popularity this way. For this reason, they are giving away the new WAP Laptops. All you need to qualify is to send this mail to 8 people you know. Within 2 weeks, you will receive Ericcson T18. But if you can send it to 20 people or more, you will receive Ericsson R320.
Make sure to send a copy to:

Think about it. You send it to 20 people. You get a laptop. They each send it to 20 people, thats 21 laptops. Each of those people send it to 20 people thats 401 laptops. Then 8001, 160001, 3200001...and so on. Don't. Be. An. Idiot. 

Thursday, 26 August 2010

Driving on the Phone - No excuses, No exceptions

It's a well known fact that using your mobile phone whilst driving affects your concentration and automatically means you are a knob. Even though it's illegal, people still do it. I've lost count the amount of times I've been cut up someone who is not concentrating, or I've had to slam the brakes on to avoid someone who has pulled out on me, because they are on the phone. When such a thing happens, I'm not the sort of driver who lets things like that go. I usually gesticulate wildly in the general direction of the offender. One of which occasion occurred the other day and led to this blog post...

Tuesday, 24 August 2010

Kids in Restaurants

What? Me?!
Morning everyone. I thought I'd broaden the subjects in this blog to, as its name suggests, "All Things Cretinous". I'd love to know what you think of each post, let me know using the comments box below each post. You don't need to log in or anything. Anybody can post a comment.

So anyway, for the first of these new blog subjects, kids in restaurants. We've all been a restaurant, trying to have a nice adult or romantic meal, and there's a family with small kids in there aswell. Now, I don't have a problem with well behaved children and their parents having a nice quiet civilized meal together. Even a little bit of childish excitement is ok, as long as they don't go too mad. But parents who use a meal out in a restaurant as an excuse to stop being a parent for a few hours really wind me up, more so than the children.

Thursday, 19 August 2010


What do you get when you cross badminton with basketball? Basketminton, Badsketball? No. You get a really cretinous "hour" of badminton.
First of all, when we arrived, there was nobody at reception. After shouting hello, anybody there through the glass for a couple of minutes, we had to get the security guard to go into the back to find someone. Turns out someone was there, literally on the other side of the door, just outside the line of sight from reception. So she definitely heard us, but must have thought someone else would deal with it, or we would go away.

After mumbling what I assume was an apology (or insult) at us, we are informed that we're on court 3. Off we trot. Only to find that only courts 1 and 6 have badminton, the rest of the hall is being used for women’s basketball. (hence the picture). Both 1 and 6 have people on them. Here we go again I thought. Off I go to find a member of staff.

Tuesday, 17 August 2010

Inside The Cretinous Gym - Customer Feedback

Morning people. It's been a while since you've had anything from the cretinous gym, don't worry, things are still happening and they will be documented soon.

For today's blog post, we have a picture taken inside the gym. Taken sneakily after a badminton session, this is a picture of the customer feedback box. (You can click on the picture for a larger version of the image)

You'll notice in this picture that there is a post box for you to post the forms into, that’s the black thing in middle of the picture... it was empty. Surprising you might think, given the level of cretinous behavior that occurs. But there’s a simple explanation to this, the clear plastic holder on the left is where the feedback forms are supposed to be kept. There are none. You'll notice just below the black box there is one solitary form sitting on the radiator, upon closer inspection, it was just covered in swear words. Probably written by a child, but just as likely a gym-goer, so overcome with rage that all they could do was scrawl down some random swear words on the nearest bit of paper. I regret not picking it up and taking it with me now. If its still there when I go back later this week I'll pick it up and scan it for your enjoyment.

More updates later this week!


Friday, 13 August 2010

Cretinous Service at Wilkinsons

Morning everyone, it's Friday (obviously) which is good news. Today’s blog post is brought to you courtesy of the high street home improvement chain Wilkinsons, or wilkos as some people call it. Anyway yesterday lunch time, I went in there to buy a photo frame, some string, a monster energy drink, and some toothpaste, once I got to the tills, everything was scanned, this happened....

Wednesday, 11 August 2010

Fun With Papa Johns Pizza - The Reply

Morning, just a quick update.
Following this blog post about a new customers offer that couldn't be claimed by some new customers at papa johns, I posted the link to the blog on Papa Johns UK twitter and facebook pages. I got this reply:

Papa John's UK  - Hi Chris. Well they have been passed on to the Marketing Dept, as I belong to it :) The answers are true in that we did originally set up the offer by e-mail address, but there was a huge amount of abuse with people setting up multiple e-mail addresses, and I mean huge, and so we did have to move to per address monitoring, which is what is currently in place. You do make a fair suggestion though and I will personally look into whether we can get that set up.

See, thats all it takes. One member of staff to show that they actually care. Even if they don't care, or agree with what I'm saying, it's a much better way of dealing with it than bombarding me with offers I clearly am not interested in! Good stuff.
Edmonton Leisure Centre - (Work in progress)
Papa Johns Pizza - Tick

Right, who's next....

Tuesday, 10 August 2010

Fun with Papa Johns Pizza

Morning everyone! I was going back through my email inbox the other day and came across a little email conversation I had with papa johns pizza. The back story to this email conversation as follows. I went to order some pizza at the papa johns website (obviously) and there was an offer on there giving new customers 50% off. Brilliant I thought, I'm a new customer, I'll have some of that action. Only after I click on confirm at the checkout, the price reverts to full price. I call the store and ask them why the deal has come off my order. Apparently somebody at that address has ordered before so I can't be considered a new customer...and here we pick up the email...

Friday, 6 August 2010

Edmonton Leisure Centre Reply

Morning everyone! Todays blog post is a reply from the manager of Edmonton Leisure Centre to this letter I sent them last month.

Click me to make me big!
Good afternoon.

It appears there seems to have been some misunderstanding regarding responding to you as I originally sent my response to our head office.

I have discussed the issues contained within your email with my duty managers and reception staff at our briefings and have informed them of the seriousness of not being able to provide the service which we expect to offer our members/users.

In terms of the actual issues, I wish to answer them one point at a time:

Thursday, 5 August 2010

Fusion Leisure Head Office Reply

Morning people. So, this is what I got in response to the complaint email I sent to the head office of Edmonton Leisure Center. I've removed the name, just in case they get the hump and force me to take it down. You can either read the emails in the italic fonts or click on the images to enlarge them and read the images.

Hello and thank you for the email.
I am in meetings this afternoon, Monday 26th July.
I will be picking up emails but I may be delayed in responding to you.
If your request is urgent please contact the Marketing department on 020 7740 7500.
Alternatively, I will deal with your request upon my return.
Thank you

Marketing and Communications Manager

Ok, I thought, an out of office, typical. Their website said it takes 24 hours to respond to a query, this guy is out of the office, so, I'll give it a day or two more before I chase this up. In the end, I sent another email on the 2nd August.

Wednesday, 4 August 2010

The Greatest Complaint Letter Ever Written

Well, this is what the past 6 blog posts have been leading up to. I thought you lot would be interested in the email I just sent them, I think its the greatest complaint letter ever written. Apparently, they aim to reply within 24 hours... it's already been a week and a half. And I've chased them up twice on it. Anyway, it's a bit of a read but you'll enjoy it...especially the last paragraph!

Tuesday, 3 August 2010

RetroCret 28th July 2010 - Part 6

Dear Edmonton Leisure Centre...
This happened 6 days after the last blog post events, again it was in person at the gym. This time, the manager gets involved half way through. Good you'd think, someone to restore a bit of order to the situation...

For once, no problem with the receptionist, at first. There was no queue, she took my card and swiped it and they duly informed me that I was on court 4. So off we trot to court 4. Upon arrival at court 4, surprise surprise, theres no net set up. The time is 8:55, so I go and find the nearest member of staff, explain that theres no net and ask them if they can set one up. The tell me that they will inform reception and get them to get someone to do it. Good.

5 minutes pass, nobody arrives to set up the net, and there has been no tannoy announcement to get a member of staff to go to court 4 to set up a net. So, I go back down to reception and here we pick up the story...

Monday, 2 August 2010

RetroCret 22nd July 2010 - Part 5

Morning people. Everyone have a good weekend? So...not over the phone this time but early one Saturday morning. Court booked for 9 - 10. Now theres usually a gym class from 10 onwards on half the courts, no big deal, badminton is usually on the other half... anyway, we turn up, walk to reception, wait in line for 5 minutes and here we pick up the story...